Easier to Hide

The eyes start to change

Brows all turned to frown

Shoulders slump down

Skin starts to tremble

 

Pretend not to see

The bitter irony

Reflectiveness of two hearts

Trying for a fresh start

 

I can feel it inside

Much easier to hide

Knowing my mistakes

Are causing your heartache

 

Maybe I’m a coward

Can’t deny it

Burning and cutting

Too much of feeling

 

The tears I shed are not for me

That’s why I feel so lonely

Watch you bleed in my regret

Waiting for your soul to mend

Fear

Hurling insults darts sharpened by you tongue spitting ego ferociously towards my direction fiery pit of self-obsession masking fragile hopeless vulnerable insides a stroke of the face with tender gentleness … Continue reading Fear

Yearned

I yearn to be longed for I ache for the need bestowed upon the rare adoration, love, a respectful care sprouting from the admirers loving seed © Controverse Sunrise 2018

Journal writing to freedom (for one night)

So…

Almost every entry in my personal journal begins with so. They tend to read a lot like this;

So I fucking hate/love (there is no grey in my world of passion) … insert rant or rave here ⇓

One of my favorite journal entries looks exactly like this ⇒ So it was an interesting day today.

So it was an interesting day today.

A single ambiguous line with absolutely no context. I happen to actually remember my reasoning at leaving a single sentence like that on a page. I was feeling as though my life at the time was so utterly boring, without anything note worthy happening in not a single moment of my oh so utterly mind numbing monotonous existence within the same four walls day in day out, that the word “interesting” would be all the prompting I would need to remember the events of said day. I didn’t even write the date!

Clearly I was feeling oh so very sorry for myself. Tinged with a smugness at my having an interesting day.

“Take that future Kylie… In a week or two, when you stumble across this entry, you will see just how amazing that day was, hope your boring life is even more sucky now biatch!”

Anyway, the point i’m making is that stumbling across the journal entry of ambiguous vagueness, spanning one entire line, a whole complete sentence fitted with grammar and everything, made me realise… that… I… need…

A BREAK!

One night off from being a 24/7 single mother, who has exceptional routine keeping skills!

Tomorrow morning I am going to drop the kids off at their Nanna’s house (she is not my Mum tomorrow!) I am going to come home, and I am going to get dressed up, high heels, make up, the whole she-bang. And I will – for the love of god – enter a licensed premise, you know…the ones with those people standing behind a bar waiting there at the ready for the sole purpose of making you any alcoholic beverage you desire with as much speed as they possibly can!

You know the places, they have taps, like the ones water comes out of at the sink with a twist of the tap handle, yeah they have those but BEER comes out of them!!!

Aghhh I feel so god damn excited! I am going to leave my home, no kids in tow, and head to an adult only venue, to drink adult only beverages, with other adult humans!

Argh!

So excited! And a tad nervous!

© 2018 Controverse Sunrise